Monday, September 6, 2010

Truth or Fiction?

Thanks, Terry Stonecrop at Gardner West Private Eye, for bestowing the Creative (Liar) Writer Award on me.  It’s the ginchiest.

So the deal is, I tell six lies and one truth about me. Can you guess which one is true?

Next week I’ll tell you who is right and pass along the award. Good luck and thanks for playing! 

brunette meganfox

1. I prefer brunettes.

gardner's paris apartment

2.  I lease this Paris apartment on the Rue de Something-or-Other.


3. I crave orange juice after sex.

gardner cocktail deck

  4. This is my spiffy “cocktail deck” in Back Bay.


5. I suffer from chronic impotence, or as it’s called in your time, ED. You guys have an acronym and a euphemism for everything.


6. The Flintstones is my favorite TV show. It airs at night, my time, and is considered more of an adult cartoon.

bacon, eggs home fries 

7. I hate a big breakfast.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Survey: To Babe Or Not To Babe, That Is The Question

 olga kurylenko babe header  

Ter pulled my coat the other day about the way I talk to chicks, so I thought I’d blog about it and get some feedback.

She says some women in your time find being called a babe and other endearments, offensive. I don’t know why you don’t want to be called babe, babe. Something to do with the women’s movement. Movement? Where did they go? Ter talks about sexism. WTF? Oh man. Sometimes I think every thing I do is a faux pas in the 21st century. In fact, I think my very existence may be a faux pas in your time.

To me, babe means, gorgeous, sexy chick. What can be wrong with that? Hey, I like it when women call me endearing names, like hon and hunk.  Makes me feel desirable, and who doesn’t want to feel attractive?

I love babes, um chicks, um the fairer sex, I mean the stronger sex. Aw hell, the female of the species. In my time, women like to be called babe, baby, cutie, beautiful, honey, sweetie -- you get the idea. It’s a good thing. What do they want to be called in your time? Skank, ho?

So I’m taking a little survey here. Do you chicks like to be called babe and other endearments, or do you hate it? And, either way, I’d appreciate it if you’d tell me why. You males of the species, too, chime in, let me know your take on this bafflement. Maybe some pearls of wisdom.

Here’s a video from 1965. See, in my time we all like being called, babe. Get a load of those clothes, though, and the hair on Sonny. West Coast, where else? Is it me, or does he look stoned? I could use a few tokes right about now, myself. But that may not be allowed in your time. . .

So tell me in the comments section.  BABE:





Monday, July 12, 2010

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

beachy sex

You gotta love it out on Cape Cod. In the summertime, it’s where all the action is, at least in ‘64. I don’t know what they may have done with it, in your time. Babes Port, Massachusetts. My kind of party!

babes port cape cod

I went in on a cottage with a couple of poker buddies in Babes Port. What can I say? I had a nifty vacation. No interruptions, no dead bodies. Just live babe bodies. We all know how chicks are when they go away on vacation. All their good-girl-rules fly out the window. . . where they belong.

Bonus Prize: I got away from Ter. She’s always beating me up and shooting at me. Her sex scenes, suck out loud, and not in a good way. Geesh, she’s got to learn to be more sexually explicit and less explicitly violent.

But, hey, that’s what holidays are for  - escape. They say one picture is worth a thousand words, so here’s a coupla thou for you. 

beach sex My vacation fun in the sun. . .

bed lovers

my vacation fun out of the sun.

Seize the day,” as they say. . . and the night.

I think I can skip the push-ups this week.  After all that action, this man needs a nice, cold ‘Gansett, sponsors of the Boston Red Sox, in my time.

narragansett beer

Thanks for stopping in. Meanwhile, let’s have a cold one, on me, before I head back to work.  

Bottoms up! Cherchez la babes!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

This Gun's For Hire

Gardner West Private Eye Welcome! Gardner West, private eye, here. Thanks for stopping by. If you'd like to know more about me, check out,

I co-post there with, writer, Terry Stonecrop. I'll be posting here, at Hanky-Panky, on and off, as well. But I'm not going to go crazy, like Terry does, and post every, single week. I have, like, a life, you know.

Oh, right. You might want to know what this is all about. The Hanky-Panky Season is the name of the, soon-to-be published (or soon, Terry-hopes-like-hell-to-be-finished) noir-lite novel, I'll be starring in.

On Hanky-Panky, I'll be posting the stuff Terry edits out on

I'm a PI, what else can I say? If you need me, "Just whistle." Or something like that. And if you're a babe, This Gun's For . . . well . . . free . . .